Word Vomit

No words are needed. The silence speaks volumes. Agonizing pain. I see it in your eyes. I’m the one that caused it. You want to rip me apart. I notice your lips tremble slightly As you search for words to say. Nothing is said. But I know. I am aware of the damage I’ve done, And I’m overwhelmed by guilt. I can only imagine what you felt. How badly you must have wanted answers. The hope you had that I would apologize And make things right. Instead of offering you closure, I treated you like a stranger. You probably think I’m a monster. And maybe I am. But I’m not heartless. This hurt me too. You used to mean a lot to me. But you became someone I didn’t recognize. You didn’t do anything wrong. I should have told you that. Instead I chose to be a coward. Slowly I distanced myself, Built up an irrational resentment toward you, Then took my exit on stage left. For a while I convinced myself, I did the right thing. But I was w...

It’s hard to know when you’re being annoying. I thought I was showing you that I cared, But now I’m being pushed away. You asked for space, But we hardly see each other. To make up for the absence I would send you things. Stuff I thought you would like. Not sure what your deal is. I’m not crazy. I don’t constantly message you day in and day out. Sure, The past couple days I messaged you a bit more than usual. But I did it because I got the sense you were out of touch. Not just with me, But with everyone. Every stupid meme and photo Was just my way of reminding you that I’m here. Maybe I could have backed off a bit, But I didn’t know that it bothered you. I assumed that every time you left me on read You just didn’t have anything to say. And honestly, I was fine with that. But perhaps you felt a pressure to respond. That didn’t even occur to me until now. If that’s the case I want you to know that I’m sorry. It...

I’ve been in a funk for a while. Major changes had left me stalled. But now things are starting to settle down. With hardly anyone left around, I am now beginning to think of me. There is a vague idea I have. Of who I am, And who I want to be. For months, I have struggled to push myself. The weight of the past took its toll on me. But now it’s gone. And I am still here. So with that said, I think it’s time I start moving on. And I mean it this time. I can’t hold back any longer. There is nothing I have to hold on to. What I want to do is write something. Not just posts for this blog that I am inconsistent with. Perhaps I will write a book or a script. Not sure if I’ll be successful, But I need to try. There are so many stories I have created in my head. Characters that no one knows about. I want to expose my creations. All I have to do is find a way to put everything into words. It’s going to be a lot of work. This m...

I don’t know. I’m wounded. Unsure of how to cope with the pain. Sometimes I’m fine. My mind gets distracted. Then when the thought resurfaces, I cry. Anger. Sadness. Confusion. For a brief moment I wondered, Am I being punished? What did I do wrong? Even though I know I didn’t do anything, I’m beginning to realize my own faults. The position you put me in Has forced me to confront my demons. I thought I was doing the best I could, But now I see how much I was holding back. I suppose I was trying to protect myself, But perhaps I did more harm than good. Instead of confronting the things that bothered me, I ignored them. Convinced myself that everything was fine, Even though deep down I knew it wasn’t. So, Where do I go from here? I don’t know. I think we can be better, But I’m scared to try again. Only time knows where this will go. So for now, I’ll take my time. Use it to try and figure this out. Because I...